And then I said Hello.

My name is Coco. I am 30 years old. Former college teacher. Originally from the Philippines, now living in the USA. This blog chronicles my LDR experiences, family anecdotes and snippets about my everyday life. I put up this blog as an outlet. I wanted to bask in anonymity and yet still be heard. I want to squeal in delight or wallow in despair, whenever I want to, anyway I want to. This is my humble space in this vast world.
I saw the blood moon last night, and it was awesome. I got to admit that it looked a little freaky, but I have never seen the moon like that so it was cool.

Anyway, this picture is for Vivien. See the hibiscus? Back in the Philippines, they grow everywhere, and i mean EVERYWHERE. I never really liked them. They are so ordinary and blah.

But you know, life always teaches you a lesson. Like for example the old cliche, you will never appreciate what you have until you lose them.

So when my husband’s aunt brought this flower over, I saw the lowly gumamela in a different way. Yes, it is pretty… Beautiful even.

Just don’t tell my friends I said that. They are going to laugh.

I saw the blood moon last night, and it was awesome. I got to admit that it looked a little freaky, but I have never seen the moon like that so it was cool.

Anyway, this picture is for Vivien. See the hibiscus? Back in the Philippines, they grow everywhere, and i mean EVERYWHERE. I never really liked them. They are so ordinary and blah.

But you know, life always teaches you a lesson. Like for example the old cliche, you will never appreciate what you have until you lose them.

So when my husband’s aunt brought this flower over, I saw the lowly gumamela in a different way. Yes, it is pretty… Beautiful even.

Just don’t tell my friends I said that. They are going to laugh.

Yes!

I was able to organize my clothes today. As per my husband’s request, I didn’t throw away clothes that don’t fit me anymore. I stored them somewhere in the house, just in case they might fit me again. Who knows, right?

Now my closet is all pretty and neat. Achievement unlocked!

And right now is just perfect… Freshly washed sheets, scented candles, and waiting for the eclipse. All I need is a candy bar to make it complete!

This is the lyrics to “Everything“‘by Alanis Morissette. I have been a fan since I was 14. The first cassette tape I bought was Jagged Little Pill. I used to listen to it every single day, and to this day, I know all the words to her song. 



(pic grabbed from artist’s Facebook)

This is the lyrics to “Everything“‘by Alanis Morissette. I have been a fan since I was 14. The first cassette tape I bought was Jagged Little Pill. I used to listen to it every single day, and to this day, I know all the words to her song.

(pic grabbed from artist’s Facebook)

So tired!

There was a lot of swimming and splashing. Lots of hotdogs and corn dogs and ice cream sandwiches.

I love babies!!!

So tired!

There was a lot of swimming and splashing. Lots of hotdogs and corn dogs and ice cream sandwiches.

I love babies!!!

Good morning!!! Aren’t these lilies pretty???

One thing I love being in America is the seasons. In the Philippines, we only have two seasons, the rainy and the dry. And they last forever and ever and ever and ever. Here, every four months is different, and so far my favorite is spring!

All the corners seem to bloom with flowers, and all stores sell all kinds of plants. I never really like plants and flowers before as it looks like an eternal spring in the Philippines, but here… I love it!!!! From drab to fab! Like all of a sudden, the world is on acid. Hahahahha!

Soooooooo. I hope I don’t spend too much. We have hibiscus, bougainvillea, roses etc ( they grow everywhere in the Philippines, but here they are expensive!) My husband’s aunt saw my orchid, and she’s like, girl, why are you trying to grow orchids in Arizona? Don’t they need to be refrigerated or something? Hahahahahaha!

Like I said, I’m not really into growing plants. It’s so easy to grow plants in the Philippines, just throw the seeds on the ground and five minutes later you got a mango tree. Not a lot of effort is needed. Here it’s a challenge, and I can’t seem to stop thinking about those miracle gro. Ugggggggh. Stop me!!!

Good morning!!! Aren’t these lilies pretty???

One thing I love being in America is the seasons. In the Philippines, we only have two seasons, the rainy and the dry. And they last forever and ever and ever and ever. Here, every four months is different, and so far my favorite is spring!

All the corners seem to bloom with flowers, and all stores sell all kinds of plants. I never really like plants and flowers before as it looks like an eternal spring in the Philippines, but here… I love it!!!! From drab to fab! Like all of a sudden, the world is on acid. Hahahahha!

Soooooooo. I hope I don’t spend too much. We have hibiscus, bougainvillea, roses etc ( they grow everywhere in the Philippines, but here they are expensive!) My husband’s aunt saw my orchid, and she’s like, girl, why are you trying to grow orchids in Arizona? Don’t they need to be refrigerated or something? Hahahahahaha!

Like I said, I’m not really into growing plants. It’s so easy to grow plants in the Philippines, just throw the seeds on the ground and five minutes later you got a mango tree. Not a lot of effort is needed. Here it’s a challenge, and I can’t seem to stop thinking about those miracle gro. Ugggggggh. Stop me!!!

Goals for this week.

Since my new job doesn’t start til next week, I hope I will be able to:

-Organize my clothes. I need to throw away clothes that don’t fit me anymore. Sigh. Those fat jeans, yeah. I need to throw them away coz my fat jeans are too tight. And fat shirts. I need to accept my new size. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.

-clean the fridge really good. I dread this. I hate washing the shelves, then going through junk, like take away boxes from last month. Hahahahha!

-Learn how to hem/sew. I got several new pairs of jeans, and they are too long, I tried hemming one, and shoot me. It looks like it was done by a two year old. Heck, maybe even a two year old can hem better than me.

-organize my accessories. Maybe buy some cutesy boxes where I can store those that I’m not using. I hate the thought of wrapping them in a walmart bag.

1st world accomplishments.

Living in America has taught me—-

How to do my own nails and groom my eye brows.

Wash dishes and do the laundry.

Keep the house clean all by myself.

Cross the street alone.

Bake chocolate chip cookies.

And Use the oven.

It’s nice to be independent, but gosh, I miss my spoilt life in the Philippines. One thing That I really don’t like here is when I come home from work emotionally and physically tired, then I have to make dinner and then wash the dishes. Back home, I come home from work and dinner is ready, thanks to my mama and our trusted maids. After dinner, I just relax and plan my lessons.

I took it for granted, but I was always grateful to the people who made my life easy.

I’m still in bed. I have 9 days of freedom til I start the new job. I am in high heavens right now. And I plan to spend my vacation well.

Pictured above is dinner from last night. I had a disappointing bowl of albondigas ( no rice, all potatoes and two teenie tiny meatballs!) but the enchilada and chimi were awesome! Dessert was apple and cream cheese enchilada with chocolate caramel sauce and vanilla ice cream.

I am hungry right now but too lazy to make breakfast.

The sky is on fire.

Living in the desert, you get to enjoy amazing sunsets everyday.

The sky is on fire.

Living in the desert, you get to enjoy amazing sunsets everyday.

It was hard to say goodbye to my colleagues, especially to my boss. She has been so wonderful to me, she always brings out the best of me. Glad that we had a little Starbucks and cereal party. There were a lot of hugs and goodbyes.

Life… It’s one of those things I hate. You meet people, then it’s time to go.

It was hard to say goodbye to my colleagues, especially to my boss. She has been so wonderful to me, she always brings out the best of me. Glad that we had a little Starbucks and cereal party. There were a lot of hugs and goodbyes.

Life… It’s one of those things I hate. You meet people, then it’s time to go.

She doesn’t listen to me. But she is all attentive and all ears to my husband.

Why kitty why? I’m the one who feeds you!!!

Here she is outside our room.

She doesn’t listen to me. But she is all attentive and all ears to my husband.

Why kitty why? I’m the one who feeds you!!!

Here she is outside our room.

Good morning from my bedroom!

Nothing beats starting the day with a long, hot shower.

Speaking of hot, it’s going to be 95 degrees in Arizona today. In the Philippines, air conditioner is a luxury, here in the desert, it’s a must unless you like heat stroke. 

Today is going to be my last day at work. It will be hard to say goodbye to friends and my boss. She’s helped me achieve my goals in that company. Arrrrgh. I wish I can just goodbye in emails. Arrrgggh.

Anyway, I am so anxious. I need mcdonalds.

Good morning from my bedroom!

Nothing beats starting the day with a long, hot shower.

Speaking of hot, it’s going to be 95 degrees in Arizona today. In the Philippines, air conditioner is a luxury, here in the desert, it’s a must unless you like heat stroke.

Today is going to be my last day at work. It will be hard to say goodbye to friends and my boss. She’s helped me achieve my goals in that company. Arrrrgh. I wish I can just goodbye in emails. Arrrgggh.

Anyway, I am so anxious. I need mcdonalds.

High and low.

Yesterday was really one of the lowest.

My husband knows how I feel, and it pains me knowing that he’s hurting for me. He doesn’t deserve a miserable wife.

It’s also why I am so scared of going back to the Philippines, because I really know that once I leave, I am never coming back. My husband and I, we talk all the time. We’re inseparable. Yesterday, in the middle of my breakdown, he drove me around the city. And he just let me cry and whine. I needed it. I guess I was tired of just grinning and bearing it.

I hate my work. I miss my family. I am lonely.

But it is what it is. I will always choose my marriage. I will blow up every now and then, and it’s okay. Some days are going to be bad. But I have a lot to be thankful for.

I also quit my job. I got an offer from a company that I was hoping to get in to ever since I had my work permit. The pay is wonderful, the hours are good. Plus, it will pay 75% of my healthcare. It’s something to look forward to.

I guess the biggest reason why I was so miserable was my job. I’ve never dreaded something so much. But it’s over. I’m happy right now.

Regrets?

I don’t know if this is the right word.

Today is a bad day. So very bad, that I got called out at work.

And the day just went downhill.

And all my frustrations and disappointments came crashing in. All my miseries and resentments surfaced, and I broke down. Since I moved here, I struggle everyday. Maybe I’m not putting enough effort? I don’t know, but I really try.

I feel like I gave up a lot of stuff that really mattered to me. I gave up my career. I gave up my family, my home.

And don’t get me wrong, my husband is totally worth it. But you know, it’s one of those days…

So I gave it all up for what? For a life where most of my dreams are never going to come true.

I will never be a mom. I will never be a teacher again. I will never be home if I stay here. I will just be miserable.

But it would be selfish to just leave, right? And I don’t think I can leave my husband.

I don’t know.

But I am really, really sad.